But Where Do I Start?

Okay, I think I get how to tell when I’m writing the wrong stuff in this blog – the posts get stuck half finished and nothing gets written. So let’s take this post another direction. Originally, it was about my thoughts on how best to learn hidden meanings behind one’s Shemsu name and one’s Parent(s), but it just sort of… simmered there. Let’s see if I can take this in another direction.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking to new members of the House of Netjer. I’m presently the New Member Imy-ra – the contact person for all new Remetj to come into Kemetic Orthodoxy – and I love it. I really love it. All the fresh questions, eager new “faces” (well, this is mostly on the Internet) delighted to undergo the Rite of Parent Divination, or fraught with questions about what their role might be as Remetj if they should choose not to undergo the Rite. Some of my favorite questions include those from the new Shemsu. This post is written from a very Kemetic point of view, but I think a lot of what I have to say is pertinent to any faith.

One of the most popular questions from a new Shemsu is “what now?”. They have a new name, which may seem terribly mysterious and meaningful, or may seem completely mundane, bafflingly so. They have a list of gods Who, according to our Divination, have taken a part in creating their life, and a name that, according to our practices, was divined from their Parent(s) themself/selves. So what should they do? Well, in my experience – basically nothing.

What? Don’t do anything? Nope, nothing at all. That’s not to say not to pray, or study, or do Senut. That’s to say that one of the best ways to learn the deepest meaning of your Shemsu name and the smallest secrets of your Parent(s), in my opinion, is to just let them unfold themselves. In the most unexpected moments, I have found the most wonderful little snippets of wisdom – just driving in my car, minding my own business. That’s when the silliest things dawn on me. It isn’t an immediate answer, of course. But the things that I value the most have not been gathered from books or study, but from those sudden revelations. They’re hard won, simply because they come from patience and understanding, and that makes them best. To me anyways.

New Year, New Start.

First of all: HAPPY NEW YEAR! DI WEP RONPET NOFRET! NEKHTET! Hooray for the 17th year of the Nisut Hekatawy I – May She and Her People have all life, health and prosperity, today and every day!

Now then, down to business. This year is about Doing and Becoming. We’ve been charged to Think, Speak, and Act with Wisdom. (Lots of significant capital letters there, my friends.) I’ll be making myself a list of goals to work on, and getting myself set up to accomplish them.

I’ve been charged with a lot of work on all accounts it would seem – They’ve got a lot for me to do this year, and all of it is very, very important. You can expect to be seeing a lot of posts from me, as this is part of it. I’ll leave today with some questions, to get the wheels turning, so to speak:

What are your goals? What are you doing to accomplish them? What (or who) is helping you with these goals right now? What do you still need to achieve them?

I sound like a business seminar right now. But that’s what this year is all about – getting down to business. So let’s Do it!

Finding the Way Home

This will be my fourth Wep Ronpet celebrated, my third as a member of Kemetic Orthodoxy, and my second as a Shemsu-Ankh. These thoughts, coupled with the fact that my boyfriend has been showing a strong interest in Kemetic gods and Kemetic Orthodoxy, has had me thinking long and hard about my path to Kemetic Orthodoxy and my decisions along this path.

I first heard about Kemetic Orthodoxy on a generic pagan forum, as a 15-year-old. I lightly looked into it, but dismissed it for a variety of reasons – the main one being that I felt strange worshipping Egyptian deities as a young girl with German-Irish heritage. I thus desperately ignored every hint or clue I was given that Kemet was where I belonged spiritually. It was not until two years later, at age 17, standing outside on the beach at night with a friend, that I felt an overwhelming call. It was strong, it was powerful, and it settled deep inside of me, a slow ache that overtook all my sensibility. Who was it? What was it? I knew only that it was a strong, female deity. I spent some time mistakenly praying to Venus, until one day I was idly searching for deities of healing. My chosen profession is in the field of psychology, and I wanted the guidance of an appropriate deity as I started my college career. The name Sekhmet stood out among all the others, but I still felt the same uneasiness. After reflection, I had a peculiar dream – Sekhmet and Yinepu (Anubis) standing in the dark, laughing idly at me, joking about Egypt being scary, and reassuring me that it’d be okay for me to follow Them.

And so began a wild ride. I’ve made choices I regret, to be sure – I regret being so obsessed with purity, for one. I’ve recently reworked my shrine so that I can keep up my offerings, heka and worship when I am not in a state of ritual purity. I don’t claim to be the wisest Follower in Their retinue – but I love Them, very very much. I have learned many things, most of them completely wordless gifts from my gods. Over the last three years, I have waffled between hard polytheism, soft polytheism, and everything in between – now I just sit comfortably at “God is God, and if It wants me to believe any differently, It will tell me.” I have learned that heka is everywhere and everything – rituals and ceremonies have their place, but words and deeds have power, and personal symbols can often effect more change in the Seen world than any old ritual pulled from a dusty book. I have learned to listen to my ka, speaking in a quiet voice. I have learned to interpret the quiet whispers of the Gods, hissing through the daily agenda. I have learned to live with my Gods – to turn my faith into something that winds through every breath I take.

I spent much of my first year learning – much as a child would, giddily showing off my Parents and Beloveds, my shiny new Shemsu name, taking in the newness of this love I felt. I believed I was uniquely blessed, to be Sobeq, to be the child of Wepwawet and Sekhmet-Mut, and I wanted to talk to anyone and everyone who could talk about MY Gods. There was distinctly a focus on building a relationship with Them. My second year was spent building a place for myself in the community – a place of service and friendship – fostering a love of those around me, and a desire to serve them more deeply. This culminated in the Weshem-ib. Now, in my third year, I am weaving these things into the tapestry of my life – living fully in service to my Parents, to my community, both spiritual and mundane, and my Nisut (AUS). My fourth Kemetic year as a child of these Gods – we shall see what it shall bring. Four is a very blessed number in Kemetic numerology – it is perfection.

Of course, I will still be learning. Always learning. But it is a joyous path home.

And so it goes.

The sun is beginning to set as I write this; it will officially begin to set in about an hour, but the sky is all mottled with colorful clouds and the sun is big and heavy in the West.

Today is the last day of the Kemetic year, and we begin to enter into a time known as the “Days Upon the Year”, or the Epagomenal Days – the Birthdays of the Five Children of Nut: Wesir (August 2nd), Heru-wer (August 3rd), Set (August 4th), Aset (August 5th), and Nebethet (August 6th). At dawn on August 7th, we begin the new year. These Days Upon the Year are a time between time; days outside the cycle. They are weird, and they are very, very special. I am looking forward to greeting each of them meditatively.

This year, known as Year 16 in Kemetic Orthodoxy, was ruled by Ra and Khnum, and was a year of Creation. It was a very, very hard year for me – mostly, because of the lessons I had to learn. Creation, for one, does not necessarily equal Completion. In fact, it RARELY means completion. I spent a lot of time starting projects, to have them last long term throughout the year. While the Oracle, given to the Kemetic Orthodox faith by Aset through divination, for Year 15 spoke bluntly of being forced to see Truth if we resisted it, Year 17 spoke more subtly. We would be forced to love ourselves, to build with our own hands – or we would reap what we had sown. It said it gently, with deep love – but with an underlying sternness that proved exhausting, to me. I have difficulty trusting my ability to begin projects, and leave them to run their course. I have difficulty allowing myself to express myself – feeling that there are so many others who would be better suited for any position I am filling. In the Oracle we were explicitly instructed NOT to do these things – and I fell into my old habits. My attention was drawn, time and painful time again, to the Lessons of the Year – allow your Creativity. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Build something worthy, with faith for bricks and joy for mortar.

Is this a failure? No, and it has taken me a long while to accept that. It’s all a part of the lesson. Even though I forged against the current through the year, and fell down and stumbled and staggered about – I’m still standing. Nekhtet! May my heart be more open in Year 17 – to the lessons of the Year, among other things.

Time to hold on for the next 5 days, keep my head above water – and let Zep Tepi wash over me with the sunrise on New Year’s Morning.

The latest with the Opener of Ways and the Powerful Queen.

Well. Since I last posted here, things have been a little hectic. I managed to total my car – but was blessedly unharmed. Strangely, that morning, I made extra effort to be sure that I wore my religious jewelry and say prayers before I left for work. I thank the Gods for keeping me safe that day – it was really a scary experience.

Since then I’ve been up and down with my spiritual practices – stress and related female purity issues have kept me from Senut, but I did something I never thought I would do – rearrange my shrine. I now have a shrine with a section suitable for use outside of a state of purity. My shrine has 4 or so shelves, with the top one being a repository for statuary and knives I have offered that lack space elsewhere. The second from top shrine is now my Senut shrine – with a candle, incense burner, libation bowls and offering bowls, to be touched only in states of purity. The shelf below that is devoted to my Parents, and to offerings to them, of all sorts. It’s made interacting with them a lot easier, that’s for sure. We shall see how it works out.

Back to work, though… always working, always working. I’m praying for September.